Anti-spanking humor

A List of Things I Trust More than any Pro-Spanking Opinion or Argument, or any pro-spanker

You are certainly welcome to try to convince me otherwise, but I'm anti-spanking and I'm going to stay that way. Sweden has banned spanking for 40 years and is closing prisons due to a lack of people to put in prison. Same is happening in Netherlands and Germany. Of course, I'm sure some of you will try to claim that has nothing to do with the spanking ban. That's okay. You're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to my facts. If I don't convince you I will convince your children or grandchildren. So here goes...things I trust more than any pro-spanking opinion or argument, or any pro-spanker.
  1. A $10 tattoo (you can't even get a henna tattoo for that anymore!, let alone a real one!)
  2. Day-old truck stop sushi
  3. Mayonnaise that has been sitting in the sun on a 100 degree day.
  4. My ability to watch a documentary about Ike Turner with a loaded gun and not shoot the television.
  5. The people behind HashOcean - that Bitcoin site that scammed a bunch of people back in 2016
  6. My ability to skydive without a parachute or wingsuit, just my trusty Walmart bag!
  7. A rusty nail as a genital piercing tool (no, I don't have any genital piercings, or any piercings for that matter, I'm making a point!
  8. Politicians
  9. My ability to knock Chuck Norris out in a fight
  10. A beer festival in rural Utah to be a wild success with the locals.
  11. That some pro-spanking jerk who only believes freedom of speech should be one way, THEIR way, won't try to shut this page down, but that's okay even if they do, I'll just make another!
  12. Uber and Lyft passengers to be fair when rating drivers
  13. That guy who lives in that apartment complex I hate making deliveries to in downtown Columbus, Ohio, not to be a jackass if I'm delivering to him.
  14. Kelly Clarkson to give a competent performance. (Of course, I know it's all in my head. I used to love her music until she came out as pro-spanking. Now she can go screw herself with a cactus. You're entitled to your opinion, Smelly Clarkson, but you're not entitled to my money if you say something I don't like. To the pro-spankers who rip me for this, I remind you that you, too, boycott anti-spanking folks all the time. So it's a two way street and shut the flip up. This is my website. Go make your own website.)
  15. Kirstie Alley, Howard Stern, Elisabeth Rohm, Matt Damon, or Judge Judy to actually say something that pisses me off (to the best of my knowledge, they're all against spanking or at least non-spankers when it comes to kids, so they can do no wrong in my eyes.)

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The Genie

One day, an anti-spanking activist, and two pro-spankers are having an argument on a beach when they stumble across an old lamp. They grab it at the same time and argue over who should get to rub it. They all rub the lamp at the same time, and a Genie pops out. Due to potential copyright issues until one day when Sansevieria may buy Disney out, this genie is green rather than blue.

"All right," the genie says, "normally I'd grant three wishes, but since you all rubbed the lamp at the same time, you each get one wish. Decide very carefully, because once your wish is granted, it cannot be taken back."

The two pro-spankers argue about who should get to go first. Being the most polite of the bunch, having never been spanked as a kid, the anti-spanking activist looks at the other two and says "You two go ahead first."

Since the two pro-spankers still cannot stop arguing about who gets to go first, the genie says "The hell with it. I have a coin. Heads, you go first. Tails, you go first."

Both pro-spankers also happening to have horrible gambling addictions, they actually agree to this.

The genie flips a coin, it lands heads up, and he points to one of the pro-spankers. "You get the first wish."

"All right. I wish for the correct side of the spanking debate to be funded beyond their wildest dreams!" he exclaims.

"Wish granted." the genie says. The anti-spanking activist, just out of sheer curiosity gets out his phone real quick just to check his bank account, and discovers he is now a multi-billionaire. He resists the urge to laugh.

The genie looks at the second pro-spanker and asks what he wishes for. "I wish for every pro-spanking person in the world to be permanently left alone by the anti-spanking folks!"

"Wish granted!" the genie exclaims. He snaps his fingers and both of the pro-spankers vanish.

"All right, now for your wish." the genie says to the anti-spanking activist. He thinks for a moment, looks the genie right in the eye and asks: "So, let me get this straight. I have more money than I'll ever need in a hundred lifetimes, and all the pro-spankers are gone from the face of the Earth?"

"That is correct," the genie replies.

Without hesitation, the anti-spanking activist says "I wish for a Diet Coke."

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